Christmas is Coming!!!

So, as is our tradition, we put up the tree and decorations Friday.  For the past two years we have done this after Collin went to bed b/c it would just be way too much to try to do this with him running around.  This year, we decided to do it with him and it was so much fun.  He had a blast and is absolutely in LOVE with the tree.  It is so cute.  The entire time he's awake and we're home he demands to have the tree on.  We also have a a snowman that lights up and he has to have that on as well.  

It's just a lot of fun b/c he's never been interested in anything like this before.  I love Christmas so for him to have this reaction is nice.  Hopefully he will be able to maintain his enthusiasm and enjoy the entire holiday season.  With everything that has happened and all of the ongoing stress it is very, very important to me that he have a great Christmas and I'm very hopeful that I (well, we, really) will be able to give this to him.

Collin Update

Okay...so I'm super, super frustrated.  About 6 wks ago we took Collin to the neuro for evaluation for seizures (absence).  The doctor recommended that he undergo a sleep deprived EEG so we took him for this about a week later.  The EEG did NOT go well and they only got about 6 min of this.  They wanted to reschedule the EEG b/c they really need at least 20 min but we did not like the doctor and wanted to get a 2nd opinion before moving fwd.  The first dr we saw said that he felt like Collin was having seizures and that they would just put him on meds but that he was surprised b/c he didn't see anything while we were in the office (approx 45 min).  Immediately after the EEG I called the ped's office and asked that they give us a referral to the ped neuro dept at Baptist.  They did and we had his appt this past Friday.

Unfortunately, I liked this dr no better.  She said that she felt that it was unlikely that Collin was having seizures but that she felt like he needed to undergo a speech eval and that he may need to be tested for autism.  The first neuro he saw said that he was in NO way autistic (the ped had originally asked for a developmental exam as well) and didn't mention anything about his speech.  He said that Collin was on track and maybe a little advanced in certain areas.  I was absolutely furious.  I felt that she didn't try to listen to him or really pay that much attn to him so that's why she couldn't understand what he was saying.  I've never heard anyone say that after they are around him for a few min that they couldn't understand at least half of what he says.  I have to say that most, if not all, 2 yr olds that I've been around have some pronunciation issues and that you really have to listen to understand what they say.  Obviously, as I'm around him all of the time I understand more than a stranger would but I certainly don't think it's a concern at this point.   My SIL is a preschool teacher and said that he is totally fine and that no kid at that age speaks perfectly.  If, in a year from now, his speech hasn't changed and become clearer I definitely see that there may be some benefit to having him undergo a speech eval but I definitely think it's premature.  In addition, this dr recommended that he undergo yet another EEG.

After leaving the appt I got more and more irritated b/c I just felt that after waiting over an hr after our appt to see her and the 15-20 min exam she gave that I didn't feel comfortable in proceeding w/the EEG or further treatment w/her.  Jared, unfortunately, was unable to attend this appt w/me so he was relying completely on what I said/felt.  As such, it's really difficult for me to know what to do b/c I certainly don't want to ignore something if it needs to be addressed but, at the same time, I don't see putting him through a lot of tests and appts unnecessarily.  She said that even if his EEG came back abnormal she wasn't going to do anything b/c the only treatment would be meds and he wasn't affected in any way by what's going on.  I truly believe that if it were not for my history that they wouldn't have even ref him to a neuro anyway.

The question now is what to do about the EEG and/or further treatment.  I thought it might be a good idea to see his ped (we usually see the nurse practitioner) and see what he thinks after being around Collin and hearing the recommendations of both drs (as they what they said was pretty much opposite of one another).  At the same time, I really don't think anything is wrong w/him.  What do you do?  I guess the best thing is to see the ped but I just don't know what he's going to say either and I hate to keep throwing $$ into this if there will be no benefit.  Oh well...guess we'll just have to see what he says.  Argh!!

Too cute

So last night Jared and I were sitting on the couch watching collin run around and play.  He comes and climbs on my lap and says "Daddy loves you."  He's never said anything like this before...only "I love you".  Not sure why this touched me so much but it just made me think that he can feel a difference in the atmosphere.  I don't know for sure but it was just weird b/c it was completely out of the blue.  

Cheese! :-)

so i'm on the phone this morning and collin comes up and grabs my cell phone and keeps saying cheese.  i asked him if he was hungry and if he wanted cheese and he just looked at me like i was stupid.  my friend asked if he wanted his picture taken so i asked him and that's exactly what he wanted.  i seriously had NO idea what he wanted but thought it was funny all the same.  all of the sudden one of his favorite things is to have his pic taken on someone's phone (i think it's b/c it makes a cool noise).  :-)  he is so funny and seeing things like this make me realize how very quickly he's growing up!

First Day of School

So today was Collin's first day of school.  He had a blast, I think.  I didn't even get to say goodbye to him b/c as soon as he saw the teachers he took off running and they just lifted him into class.  When I came to pick him up they were on the playground and he did NOT want to come home.  Thankfully, he didn't throw a fit (a big fear for me) but he most definitely wanted to stay and play.  Since then it's been "teachers" and "school".  I'm glad he liked it but I have to say I was a little sad that he didn't even notice that I was gone at all.  I'm sure I'll get used to it and enjoy my "me time" but I couldn't stand the thought of going home w/o him today so I went to visit my grandparents until it was time to pick him up.  

Everyone has said that the second day is harder than the first so we'll see what happens but i just really think he'll behave much the same way.  My baby is growing up!!  

Preschool

we finally did it - we found a preschool jared and i could agree on.  i CANNOT believe it.  it's not exactly what we initially intended b/c he'll be in on t/th mornings but i think the school is awesome and that collin will do really well there.  one thing that is very cool is that this school goes preschool - 8th grade.  the regular school is currently 8 yrs old so they've added one grade per year; that means, conceivably, that they will go through hs by the time collin's ready.  while it's a private school the cost is reasonable so it is possible that we would be able to keep him in a private school.  (http://www.hpfs.org/)

i am super excited but nervous and sad at the same time.  my little boy is growing up.  i know he'll do really well but i'm afraid i might be a bit of a mess.  i'm sure i'll get used to it and, eventually, probably really look forward to that time to myself.    we'll see how that changes as tues approaches.  :-)

dr's appt

so, yesterday i took collin to the dr, primarily b/c i needed to get a form filled out for preschool, but also b/c he's been having temper tantrums where he beats his head on the couch. i also mentioned to her that he has had several episodes (b/w 5-10) where he just kinds of zones out and you can't seem to get his attention. she said that based upon my medical history that she feels like it would be best to send him for a consult w/a pediatric neurologist to make sure he's not having any seizures. i really kind of feel like he's not b/c when he snaps about of these spells (10-15 sec) he is completely aware of where he is, etc...; there is no kind of disorientation. of more concern to me is that she gave me paperwork on autism and mentioned something about him being seen/evaluated by a pediatric developmental neurologist. i really just don't feel like this is necessary b/c he has not exhibited any signs of what i know of autism other than the hitting his head (which EVERYONE has said it just a stage most all kids go through). i just really feel like that's something that went undiagnosed for so long that they really try to overdo it now. if there is something wrong w/him i most definitely want him to be seen/treated for this but, if not, i don't want to put him through a lot of unnecessary testing. not only would that be rather traumatic for him but it will also be very expensive. anyway, i called back to talk to the cnp again today b/c i just am not sure what her final thought was yesterday since she said she thought he was fine but then gave me paperwork on that. argh! they just don't have any answers and, as such, talk in circles. so far she hasn't called back but i hope i can get something a little more concrete at that time.

Rain, Rain Go Away

i am soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of this rain. while i understand that we really need this enough is kind of enough. i'm sitting here w/the tv on and my regular shows are not on b/c the local news stations are seeing this as great opportunity to interrupt programming b/c there has been one tornado sighting w/NO damage. i have not been outside in 2 days and am really, really looking forward to getting out this afternoon (even if it is just to take collin to the dr). i never used to think that my mood was that affected by the weather but, i'm seeing clearly now, that it most DEFINITELY is. :-(

I did it!

we/i finally enrolled collin in preschool. i am sooooo nervous about this b/c i just keep thinking what happens if we made the wrong decision. i know if it doesn't work out we can just take him back out but....i just worry way too much about everything.

the school itself seems really nice and collin had a good time when he was there. he is so outgoing and social that i'm sure he'll be fine and that i'll be the one that's a nervous wreck. the funny thing is that i think jared is more worried than me. part of it may be that he's not actually been to the place yet and hasn't actually spoken with anyone other than me about it but i think we both just want to keep him little a bit longer b/c he is just growing up so fast. seems like just yesterday we brought him home from the hospital. it hit me the other day that one day (all too soon) i'm going to have to let him go off to college (my only hope is that he chooses to go somewhere close by).

we go to open house tomorrow night to meet the teachers and, presumably, some of the other parents. i hope that he has good kids in his class and a good mix of people. the director told me that their 5 day 2 yr old class last year had 8 girls and 2 boys. hopefully his class will be a little more balanced.

despite my fears i'm really hoping that this will allow him to grow and flourish outside of me. i am so overprotective that i feel that i really limit him physically. when i see other little boys his age they seem much more physically adept and i know a HUGE part of that is that every time he takes off running i tell him to stop, don't run, etc.... i'm also really excited to see how/if he takes a huge leap in verbal skills from being around other kids. time will tell, i guess.

i'll just have to make wed super special since that's the first day of school. at least i changed my work schedule so that i'll be able to work while he's gone...otherwise i think i'd probably pull my hair out!

Not sure I can do this

so my friend's in labor at the hospital and i am watching her 1 yr old. he is so sweet and a really good baby but it is so much harder than i thought it would be having 2 at one time. i'm sure part of it is that he's in an unfamiliar environment and isn't sure of his limits and i'm not really sure what he's capable of doing physically but it is just draining. that, coupled w/that fact that i had to get up at 5 to go to gboro to get him, has just worn me out. i'm seriously counting the minutes until jared gets off work. we've talked about and i'd really like to have another baby soon but...i think i'll need to think about it a little more. i know that collin would be older so it wouldn't be a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old and that he would probably be more helpful (he's been so AWESOME today) but.....

break time's over. :-)

proud mama

so, today, i was writing the alphabet on collin's magna doodle thing and he got every letter right until P. He was a little sketchy after that getting about 50% correct. we've come a long way in a week. my boy's getting so big!

abc's

so we've been trying very hard to work w/collin on his abc's. i am not the most patient person so it's kind of hard for me but jared and i have both sung the abc song countless times hoping that repetition will help. i've also made the extreme sacrfice of watching "super why" just b/c they do a lot w/the alphabet. right now collin's abc's go like this, "a, b, c, d, e, h, i, o, p, y, z". sometimes, it goes "a, b, c, 9, 10". at least he's learning. :-)

scary movie

so collin went to his first movie today. it did NOT go well. The movie was free and, according to the website, is first come, first serve. we needed a booster seat so we wanted to call to find out what time, realistically, we needed to be there to get that; when Jared called they said to be there b/w 9 and 9:30. so...we arrive shortly before 9:15 and end up heading into the theater around 9:35 or 9:40. Collin did well at first but was starting to get antsy about the time the movie started. i had toys and books and we got popcorn so i was able to distract him for a bit but, around 10:45 it just got to be way too much so we headed out. I was pretty disappointed b/c I was hoping that we could make this a weekly outing. I may try again either next week or the following...since it's free there's no real loss, especially since it's nearby.

so nervous...update

okay, so now i'm even more nervous b/c i've committed to becoming a thirty-one consultant. (i even have my first party scheduled...thanks courtney) i am absolutely TERRIFIED! i am not a great public speaker and am scared that i'm not going to do well. i do not do very well w/failure. jared seems to think it will be really good for me to do something outside of collin and dlg...something's that's just for me. we'll see. guess if it doesn't work out at least i'll get some nice stuff as a souvenir of this endeavour.

so nervous...

so i hate putting myself out there b/c of fear of rejection but i bit the bullet, so to speak, and emailed most everyone in my address book to see if they would be willing to host a party for me if i start selling the thirty-one bags. i hate feeling like a stupid high school kid. i shouldn't be worried about this kind of stuff at 31. oh well...fingers crossed that i'll get at least a few responses.

it's hot

so i thought this was a dream but since jared heard it too i know that it wasn't but...i woke up this morning to hear collin tell one of his many stuffed animals, "hi puppy. it's hot." too cute.

my little athlete

Collin and Daddy playing baseball for the first time.

He wasn't too sure about what we were trying to do but loved throwing the ball and running with the bat. :-)

Do you want to play ball with me?

i'm so excited....

collin said "i love you" to me for the first time tonight. as w/most every day this week he's been rather challenging so it was really sweet. :-) have to remember to put that in the baby book.

terrible day

so yesterday was terrible and today's started out the same way. hopefully things will get better b/c i don't know if i can deal w/another day like that today.

so, yesterday morning jared gets up to take collin to his parents' for bfast and for a visit. it is unusual for jared to go out w/collin by himself (horrible, i know, b/c he's 2) but it's just not something he's ever really done. at any rate, i was already kind of worried b/c it was just out of the norm. so, as collin and jared leave i'm standing at the door to tell them goodbye and collin starts crying b/c he doesn't understand why i'm not coming too. he kept turning around to see me and ended up falling and scraping his knee pretty badly. jared gives me a really hard time about this and says it's my fault b/c i should have just gone in and let them go. maybe he's right. jared brought collin back in and i cleaned up his knee and gave him a deigo band aid (sticker) and they left again.

when jared leaves to come home he calls me and tells me not to freak out but that collin fell at his parents and has a cut on his knee and a pretty nasty scratch on his chin. he said that it happened on or around his parents' swing set. he also said that his mom was really upset and said that i was never going to let collin come back b/c he doesn't see them that often and when he does he comes home all banged up. so...about 30 min later they get home and collin has blood on his shirt, a nasty, nasty looking scratch on his chin and a cut on his knee above his band aid from the earlier scrape. i go to clean him up and give him another bath. other than a few tears from the stinging on his knee in the bathwater he seemed pretty okay. he had a nap and woke up in a good mood.

the day seemed to turn a little after his nap. we had lunch and then he and i went to borders to hang out to give jared a little down time. we had a good time (collin counted snails on a book - yay!!!). we came home and played, also good, and then planned a trip to the park w/friends.

we picked up dinner on the way and ate at the picnic shelter. while i was getting collin's food cut up he slipped between the table and the bench and hit the back of his head. he freaked out and it took a LONG time to get him to calm down but, finally, he did. we ate and then headed to the playground. he played for a while w/o any problem. then, all of the sudden, he decided the most fun thing there to do would be to walk up and down the stairs. he was doing well but then missed the bottom step and did a somersault landing on the mulch of the playground. i didn't see any scrapes, bumps, etc... but i think it scared us all. he then proceeded to fall 2x before we ended up leaving. not sure if he was tired or what but i just felt really badly b/c i felt like maybe there was something i could have done...like i wasn't watching him closely enough. i know he's a toddler and that he'll fall down and get hurt and, as jared reminds me all of the time, that he's a little boy so he's going to do all kinds of daredevil kind of stuff and fall and get hurt. still hard to see.

i must say that i don't want to head out the door today b/c i'm afraid that w/my luck that i'll end up in the ER w/him by the end of the day. i know i can't wrap him up in bubble wrap or something but, right now, i really want to. :-(

amazing growth!

i must say that i am absolutely amazed at the sudden developmental spurt collin's going through...it's mind boggling. all of the sudden he's just talking non-stop w/tons of new words every day. he's also using articles. probably not that big of a deal but we are pretty impressed that he's gaining an understanding of that. he's using more and more sentences. he's also beginning to count.

this is something i've been worried about for a while so i'm very relieved that he's really taking off. i always have this fear in the back of my mind that b/c he was so premature that he will have very noticeable developmental delays. it's a HUGE relief that it seems that is not really a concern at this point.

it is just really neat to see how much kids grow and learn so quickly and i feel so blessed to be able to be a part of this w/him.

potty training

i think it's time to start potty training again. the past few days collin's been saying "pee pee" and "poo poo". we had a little success last fall w/getting him to use the potty but he never expressed an understanding of what was going on w/it and only went when we took him to the potty. so far i've not been able to get him to use the potty but i'm hoping that if we consistently take him and keep talking about it he'll get it. i would be soooooo happy. i am so very tired of diapers. the issue will be just making sure that i remain patient. the other issue will be making sure that jared takes a much initiative taking him to the potty as me.

Behavior Issues

okay...we are in the midst of the terrible two's. i guess in the grand scheme of things collin's not so bad but it is so frustrating that every time we say no collin throws a fit and/or starts whining (the incessant whining is driving me INSANE!!). Nanny 911 has been coming on tv in syndication recently so i'm obsessed w/watching it b/c i think maybe i'll learn something about what to do and/or what not to do.

one thing that has really peaked my interest is the idea of a reward board. i've really put a lot of thought into this and wonder if it will help or if collin is too young to understand what it is and what it's for. jared doesn't seem to be too interested in it but maybe we just need to discuss it a little more for him to get on board w/this plan. if so, it will be time to decide what to do and how to do it. i'm really trying to give collin a little more responsibility by letting him help w/chores and giving real consequences to bad behavior.

i'm not super crafty so i'm not sure how/what to do w/regard to setting up the board/system. oh how i wish i was more imaginative.

more on this later....

let's give this a go

okay...so it seems like everyone blogs anymore. i don't know that i really understand what it is but i thought i'd give it a try b/c it may be a good outlet for my thoughts and feelings.

unfortunately, i've recently had a lot of problems w/anxiety and mild depression and hope that venting, bragging, etc.... will help alleviate this problem (b/c i do NOT want to have to go into counseling...argh!) . we'll see...fingers crossed.